The Hitwoman Goes to Prison
Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman Book 22
Family is everything.
That’s the motto Maggie Lee lives by. She’s proven that she’ll do anything (even become an assassin…albeit an inept one, as God likes to remind her) to take care of those she loves.
Even when they drive her crazy.
But as Maggie attempts to reunite a young boy with his mother, her own family is in danger of falling apart.
The human members are facing a heartbreaking loss, the animals are mutinying against one of their own, and a missing skull is causing trouble for everyone.
Maggie may be able to save an innocent’s life, but can she save her family?
You just know it’s going to be a bad day when you wake up knowing you’re going to prison. Not that I was going to prison, but I was visiting a prison. Unfortunately, this was not my first time.
My name is Maggie Lee, and the reason I was going to prison, this time, was to interview a witness. That might make it sound like I’m in law enforcement, or even a law-abiding citizen, but the truth is, I’m actually a criminal myself. I mean, in my own defense, I only kill bad people, but I have killed a few of them.
Anyway, the reason I was going to prison was because I was trying to figure out how to get Boy’s mother out of one.
“Gotta! Gotta!” my Doberman pinscher, DeeDee, panted.
I rolled out of bed, a little stiff because I’d been in a fight over a heart on a hospital rooftop the night before, and shuffled over to the door. Life had been a lot easier when I lived in the basement of the Bed & Breakfast and had just been able to let her outside. Now that I was living at my grandfather Herschel’s home, I had to actually walk down a hallway to reach a door. This may not sound like a hardship to most people, but you don’t know my family, and you don’t know the dangers walking down a hallway can entail, when you might actually bump into one of them.
“Gotta!” DeeDee panted again, trying to get me to move faster.
I raised a finger to my lips. “Shh,” I warned. “I don’t want anyone to hear us.”
She flattened her ears against her head but remained silent as she led the way to the door.
I opened it and let her outside. “Stay out of trouble.”
She raced away, not replying.
Sighing heavily, I closed the door and began the slow shuffle back to my room.
“Morning, chica,” a woman said cheerfully.
Grudgingly, I raised my eyes to find Armani Vasquez, my best friend, was leaning in the hallway, arms crossed over her chest, watching my pathetic progress.
I told myself it could have been worse. I could have run into one of my aunts. That always starts the day off on a bad foot.
“Templeton is making pancakes,” Armani told me. “Come join us.”
Grunting something unintelligible, I nodded and disappeared into my room. I closed my door behind me and leaned against it, then let out a shaky sigh.
“Are you okay, Sugar?” Piss, my one-eyed cat, asked worriedly. She wrapped herself around my ankles and purred.
I scooped her up and held her close, appreciating the comfort that she offered.
“I have to go to prison today,” I reminded her.
“Me too! Me too! Me too!” a tiny voice squeaked from near the bed.
I walked over and looked down at the empty tissue box that housed Benny, a white mouse. “Sorry, Benny. I can’t take anybody with me. Not even God.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have wanted to have gone anyway,” a superior English voice announced.
I glanced over at the glass fishbowl, which was a temporary housing unit for the anole lizard, known as Godzilla, God for short. “It’s not my fault I can’t take you,” I reminded him. “We can’t have someone finding you on a security pat down.”
“It might bruise,” Piss hissed softly, making fun of the lizard’s sensitive skin.
“We can’t risk it,” I repeated.
“We could wait in the car,” Piss offered, kneading my chest softly with her front paws.
“And how am I supposed to explain that to Zeke?” I asked.
“You don’t have anything to explain to Zeke,” God said testily. “He has his own explaining to do.”
Before we could get into that argument, there was a soft knock on the door. “Maggie?”
Still clutching Piss to myself, I opened the door and peeked out. Armani held out a cup of coffee for me. “You look like you need this.”
Greedily, I practically snatched it out of her hand. “I do. Thank you. Just let me change, I’ll be right out.”
Nodding, she turned and limped back toward the kitchen.
Closing the door, I set the cat down on the bed and sipped the strong brew gratefully.
“Nothing good can come from this prison visit,” God predicted.
I wasn’t inclined to argue with him, but I didn’t respond. I quickly changed clothes, the animals all watching me.
I looked at Piss. “Do you want to get outside?”
“I want to see if Templeton will give me some cream.”
Chuckling, I opened the door a crack and allowed her to escape. I looked back at the lizard and mouse. “I’ll try not to be gone too long.”
“It won’t matter to us,” God said, turning his back on me and facing the wall.
“Careful. Careful. Careful,” Benny urged.
“I will be,” I promised him.
Not that that was going to do me any good.