I have so much fun making the CONFESSIONS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC HITWOMAN books zany.
I love it so much that it says right in my business plan that I want to “write more zany misadventures for Maggie and the gang”.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this kind of zany month on the blog. I think I’ll focus on a different kind of shenanigans in May.
For more zaniness be sure to follow me on Instagram and Facebook!
a-z challenge
X is for X Marks the Spot — A-Z Challenge
You’ve stumbled on your chance at treasure!
Share ANY of my books (find them here) on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram AND paste the link to your share in the comments below, and you’ll be entered to win a secret stash from me! But hurry, contest ends May 7th, 2019 at 12:01 a.m. EST.
W is for Writing — A-Z Challenge
A reader recently asked how I became a writer so this is going to be my rambling attempt to answer that.
The short answer is: “I failed….a lot.”
And if anyone ever asked me advice on how to become a writer, that’s the advice I would give… “Fail….a lot.”
But that’s probably not the answer anyone wants to hear.
I wanted to be a writer from the time I was a young child. If the assignment in class was to draw a picture, I’d write a short story or poem instead. (Not surprisingly, this means I have no artistic talent. One of my goals for the year is to learn to draw. So far I’m failing. A lot.)
I kept on writing.
There were times when I thought my way “in” was through non-fiction, so I spent years writing magazine articles, essays and website content. Eventually I decided it was more fun to make things up. I tried my hand at short stories and flash fiction, but they weren’t the best fit for me.
(Do you see the line of failures I’d been racking up?)
I found a class at a local theater and tried my hand at screenwriting. I really, really loved that because I could use my strengths of plotting and dialogue. I wrote a number of scripts. I was part of a critique group. I placed well in some contests. I had an agent. I optioned a couple of screenplays. One of my works was workshopped.
But I wasn’t in the right place/situation in my life to break into Hollywood.
Another failure.
Eventually I turned to novel writing. While I was able to carry many lessons I’d learned forward, like everything else, it required learning a new skill set. I wrote books. I attended conferences. I had critique partners.
I sent more than one hundred queries before I landed my first agent. Unfortunately she wasn’t able to sell that book. (This failure REALLY hurt.) So I pitched her, face-to-face, the idea for what would become CONFESSIONS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC HITWOMAN. To say that she looked appalled by my idea of a hitwoman with a heart of gold who can talk to animals, is an understatement.
Since I didn’t feel like she was invested in my vision, I left her. (And hey, because I’m stubborn and believed in myself, I eventually sold that first book on my own. So please know that failure isn’t fatal, sometimes it’s just a matter of timing and having the stars align. It also helps to have a flexible idea of what you consider “success” to be.)
It took another hundred queries or so to land my second agent, who sold both Confessions and Further Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman. (See the Q is for Query post.)
They basically failed too, in that they did not find an audience. (But see N is for Neurotic to see how THAT all panned out.)
So basically my advice for writers is to be willing to fail often. It’s painful, but it’s part of the process.
And don’t disregard the value of being stubborn and believing in your work. If I hadn’t been extremely passionate about Maggie and the gang, I wouldn’t have gone into self-publishing and I wouldn’t currently be working on the twentieth Confessions story.
V is for Virtue — A-Z Challenge
In the age of sensationalistic “news” coverage and the rabid pack mentality of social media users, I’ve been thinking about this quote from Steinbeck quite a bit.
Because of that I want to give a shoutout to my loyal friend, Misty Evans.
I want her to know that her virtues, which are many, are appreciated.
(And her books, which are also many, are awesome.)
Since it’s “V” day, let me introduce you to her Vengeance demon, Kali.
Payback is a bitch and her name is Kali Sweet…
I’m Kali Sweet, the best damn vengeance demon on Earth. I work for the supernatural world’s Justice Department and protect innocent humans from otherworldly creatures like me. While I can’t take revenge for myself, I make sure justice is done for others.
But when my latest run-in with Chicago’s vampire king backfires, the fallout leaves me with three big problems: a powerful Undead enemy who wants my head, my boss looking over my shoulder, and three personal blood slaves jeopardizing my reputation.
One of those slaves happens to be sexy rock star Radison Beaumont – the half-human, half-chaos demon who left me at the altar three hundred years ago. Even if he does need my blood now to survive, Rad and I will always be enemies.
Especially since he’s joined an ancient society of demon killers—and I’m the number one demon on their most wanted list.
U is for UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT
I don’t ALWAYS write funny books. Every once in a while I indulge my dark side. That was the case with Until Proven Innocent.
Seven years ago Kimberly Richard was convicted of a murder she didn’t commit.
Six years ago she escaped from prison and lived on the run ever since.
Now her conviction has been overturned and she’s returned home to try to rebuild her life.
When a storm washes a school van into a raging river, Kimberly and private investigator Cooper Washington jump in and save the kids and driver…but one child is missing. Was she ever even on the school bus? If not, who took her?
Kimberly’s chance at a “real life” is jeopardized by the ghosts of the past and the suspicions of the present.
T is for Tarot — A-Z Challenge
I must admit that I don’t know much about Tarot cards and readings, but I’m kind of fascinated. I’m considering featuring them in the PCM series….
A friend sent me a deck for my birthday. This was the very first card I pulled from it. Fitting, don’t you think?
S is for Social Media — A-Z Challenge
I have mixed feelings about social media.
I love the fact that it allows me to communicate with my fans.
But I loathe that it can be so shallow and hate-filled.
I love that I can see what’s going on in the lives of my friends.
But I loathe that it can be such a giant time-suck.
I love, love, love the cute animal videos.
But I loathe that there’s so much demand to generate content.
That said, I invite you to join me on my social media platforms.
Instagram — Pretty cute and happy
Facebook — I try to keep it pretty neutral, but on rare occasions I state an opinion
Twitter — Greatest chance of me saying something that could offend somebody
R is for Rewrite — A-Z Challenge
I think that non-writers believe that scenes and stories and characters and dialogue emerge fully-formed.
That’s not the case for me.
Or these guys….
Q is for Query — A-Z Challenge
When you’re trying to land an agent to sell your book, you have to send out what is called a “query letter”.
I looked up my original query for the Hitwoman series. Here it is:
I hope you’ll consider reading my 80,000 word novel Confessions of a Neurotic Hitwoman (think La Femme Nikita meets Bridget Jones Diary).
Not long ago, remarkably unremarkable Maggie Lee had a soul-sucking job, a less than stellar family, and hadn’t had a date in over a year. Now she’s a hitwoman….but that’s okay, because her lizard approves.
When she awakes in a hospital Emergency Room, Maggie learns that a drunk driver has killed her sister and brother-in-law, and seriously injured her three-year-old niece, Katie. Only Maggie seems to have escaped the horrific crash unharmed (except for the fact that she’s now able to converse with Katie’s pet gecko, Godzilla. “You can just call me God.”).
Keeping Katie in a premiere medical facility costs big bucks. Maggie has no idea how she’ll continue to provide Katie with the best care available, until she’s offered a lucrative job opportunity — $100,000 to “off” someone. She politely refuses the offer until she’s informed that Katie is on the verge of being booted out of the rehab facility. Maggie’s all too familiar with the shortcomings of state run institutions. Her mother is a permanent resident of a state run psychiatric hospital and her father’s locked up for life. Maggie can’t let Katie end up in one of those places.
Against her better judgment, she accepts the job and is paired up with a hitman mentor who teaches, “Life Lessons: How to Take a Life and How to Avoid a Life Sentence.” With some help from God (the lizard, not the deity) Maggie uses her newly developed skill set to become a contract killer. But the road sure isn’t easy….
And here’s the version that eventually landed me my agent
Maggie Lee is not your average hitwoman. For one thing, she’s never killed anyone before. For another, her sidekick is a talking gecko, a picky eater who is obsessed with Wheel of Fortune.
Desperate to help her hospitalized niece, Maggie finds herself accepting a mobster’s offer of a big payday in exchange for killing his even more monstrous son-in-law. Paired with Patrick, a charming murder mentor (who just happens to moonlight as a police detective) Maggie stumbles down her new career path, while contending with self-doubt, three meddling aunts, and a day job she hates.
And in case you’re interested, here’s the blurb the publisher ended up using for CONFESSIONS OF A SLIGHTLY NEUROTIC HITWOMAN.
Maggie Lee is not your average hitwoman. For one thing, she’s never killed anyone. For another, after hitting her head in the car accident that killed her sister, her new best friend is a talking lizard—a picky eater, obsessed with Wheel of Fortune, that only Maggie can hear.
Maggie, who can barely take care of herself, is desperate to help her injured and orphaned niece get the best medical care possible, so she reluctantly accepts a mobster’s lucrative job offer: major cash to kill his monstrous son-in-law.
Paired with Patrick Mulligan, a charming murder mentor (who happens to moonlight as a police detective), Maggie stumbles down her new career path, contending with self-doubt, three meddling aunts, a semi-psychic friend predicting her doom, and a day job she hates. Oh, and let’s not forget about Paul Kowalski, the sexy beat cop who could throw her ass in jail if he finds out what she’s up to.
Training has never been so complicated! And, this time, Maggie has to get the job done. Because if she doesn’t . . . she’s the mob’s next target.